My First Toastmaster Speech

15 06 2012

Toastmaster, Ladies and Gentlemen:

It was an author, bookman, and librarian Lawrence Clark Powell who said, “My life has been a series of opening doors into wonderful new rooms –
wonder, but not without fear, pain, and sorrow, and always with the voice of the Lord reminding me that nothing is free and must be paid for by service to others…”

Honestly, I copied it from another speech.

Ladies and gentlemen:

Toastmaster is a group of extremly helping individuals where everyone gets a chance to get embarrassed. They are so supportive that they publicy tell you how bad you were with your aahhss and umms, please don’t count those. Well, today I am your “volunteered” prey.

On the dawn of December, 28th, 1984, I opened up my eyes in a small village in district chakwal. Since then I’ve opened many doors and in the next few minutes, I’ll take you through a few of them.

My early childhood was very ordinary. As a child I had a deserved reputation as a shy and coward child, but a few even thought I was innocent, yeah right, they just don’t know me well. I had my first crush at the age of 5, and that too on my english teacher. Since then I’m always obsessed with my english teachers. OK, on a serious note, she was pretty, don’t know how she looks like now after being a mother of half a dozen kids. These are the memories of my small village “English medium school” where the name of English medium school is actually written in Urdu. I got my primary education in my village school, then my family moved to rawalpindi. I got admission in another not so prominent school in rawalpindi where I did my matric. I was among the elite student of the class in term of marks obtained in exams, I got the second highest marks in board exams, which even surprised me, probably the only criterion that could get me that many marks was number of sheets used in exams. I was damn good at that.

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So You Think You Work Hard! Think Again

9 06 2011

Driving our children to most modern private schools in air-conditioned luxury cars while on our way to our centrally cooled office buildings with all modern facilities that one can imagine of, we complain of too much work. You want to know how hard the hard work could get, see these images, and don’t complain.

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Cricket Media And Us(The Morons) !!!

7 09 2010

No, I don’t agree with you all. Our media is young and immature and they struggle to decide which news to break and which to be “handled with care” . In the race of breaking news, they never realized that they sometime sound so stupid and childish. They are ready to break a news received from any “maja gama” news agency.

The recent cricketing events is a proof of it. Break the news, bark at your players,  ask FBR to investigate their tax returns, visit their homes and villas and tell people this is owned by illegal money and get to the conclusions as soon as possible (before any other tv channel does so) . We (TV channels) never bother to investigate the news by ourselves, we rely on other news agencies for that.

I don’t know whether this whole cricket spot and match fixing controversy is a conspiracy or not but I believe that if the team management and the board were strong enough, no body ( ICC or Scotland yard) would have dared to go this far. The board could punish the players ( if found guilty ) by themselves.

PCB is headed by a fully retard,  half paralyzed and half blind old Johnny who stammers in front of media and bumbles about as if he is drunk. And the team manager, half blind, almost deaf, who speaks like if he has a balloon in his mouth and he walks on stick. And the other manager, Mr. Shafqat Rana, who reads newspaper all the day while sitting in the gallery and thinks a lot because he has nothing else to do.  Oh, and we have a security officer too, wow, a retired colonel, oh almighty we are so safe now, no one could harm us. He sleeps tight so that the players could enjoy themselves in the casinos with girls and gambling all the night and play in the morning. Don’t we have any “not so disabled and old ” person in this country who can head this board. An obvious choice could be Ehsan Mani, but perhaps he has to find a link in the government before he could even think about PCB chairmanship.

Our high-commission in UK is probably more active than the PCB, I would suggest Wajid Sham ul Hassan to take the responsibilities as interim PCB chairman because Ijaz Butt is busy saving his job.  None of the players or the board members have had enough courage and ethics to resign by themselves. Go away you old, useless crippled band of brothers , go to hell, and let some fresh blood pump in.

Whatever the case may be, at-least Amir should be saved at all cost. He is young and the most talented bowler cricket has seen in the recent times. He must be saved at all costs. So many players from other counties had had alligentions on them which were proved right later on, but no one dared to life ban the “big guns” of the cricket just because their boards are strong. Look at the Aussies, the pioneers in the match fixing, ICC is their keep. What about the Indian cricketers, perhaps none of them can be spared from match fixing alligations. You can count hundreds of examples, look at Windies,  the South Africans and so on and so forth, but none of the big shots were severely penalized.

The boards protect their players’s asses, our board burns them to save themselves.

You can throw away Salman Butt if he is involved as he has never been a match winner. Asif on the other hand, has already had his hands dirty, so PCB can even get rid of him but PCB may slap Amir on his face, kich his ass, fine him heavily but save him.

So, all in all, get rid of the old retired Johnys, pump in some fresh blood, and cricket will be on its feet again.

26 November: Ammi Left us Forever

26 11 2009

سینے سے لگا کے کہتی تھی ماں مجھ کو

تو لال ہے میرا نہ ستا مجھ کو

پچتاۓ گا ایک دن میں چلی جاؤں گی

نہ چاہتے ہووے بھی دنیا میں اکیلا چھور جاوں گی

زمانہ دیکھا ے گا گرمی کی شدت تجھ کو

یاد کر کے روے گا تو پھر مجھ کو

مدتوں سے میری ماں نے سینے سے نہیں لگایا

اب وہ چلی گئی جب کچھ کہنے کا وقت آیا


The Culture Of Throwing Shoes!!!

9 10 2009

Shoe is a lethal weapon. Surprisingly, this weapon was not invented rather discovered in the olden days of George Bush the second (ass). The weapon was first used by Muntazir al Zaidi against his arch enemy, the monkeyman, “the ass”. Soon after, this weapon became very popular and the temptation to use it grew day by day.

The greatest thing about this lethal weapon is that this weapon does not physically harm your enemy but he will surly get some mental shocks. This mental illness will last for long. The most amazing thing about this weapon is that this weapon is used in public and in front of media. With this method, you can inflect greatest of insult to your enemy.

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How to Photograph Silhouettes

26 08 2009

Silhouettes are a wonderful way to convey drama, mystery, emotion and mood to the viewers of your photos and often stand out in an album because of the combination of their simplicity but also the story that they convey. I love them because they don’t give the viewer of a clear picture of everything but leave part of the image up to their imagination to wonder about.

The basic strategy you’ll need to employ in taking silhouette shots is to place your subject (the shape you want to be blacked out) in front of some source of light and to force your camera to set its exposure based upon the brightest part of your picture (the background) and not the subject of your image.

In doing this your subject will be under exposed (and very dark, if not black).

There are a lot of very technical descriptions going around on how to take great silhouette shots that you might want to look up but let me attempt to run through some basic steps that should get you the results you’re after. In essence what we’re trying to do is make your camera think that it’s the bright parts of the picture you are most interested in.

Here’s how to do it:

silhouette-1.jpgImage by Luza

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The Slow Sync Flash Photography Technique

26 08 2009

Low Light Photography Options

When shooting with a subject in low light situations you generally have two options; either to shoot with a flash or to shoot with a slow shutter speed.

1. Flash – When shooting in low light with a flash in auto mode your camera will choose a relatively fast shutter speed. This means that your subject will be well lit and that if it is moving it will be frozen and as a result will be sharp. The problem with this is that it can also leave your subject lit up too brightly and can leave it’s background looking very dark as there is not enough time for the camera to collect any ambient light.

2. Slow Shutter Speed – The other option is to turn your flash off and shoot with a longer shutter speed in order to collect enough available light from the image to get a well exposed shot. This can be an effective technique if you’re shooting landscape or environmental shots where everything is nice and still – however if you’re shooting a moving subject it means you’ll get motion blur which could ruin your shot.

Both of the above options are legitimate technique but both have their weaknesses. Another options to consider is slow sync flash.
Read more:

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